


Return to You

by ladyelori



Series: Dhavaria Surana [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Old Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22984543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyelori/pseuds/ladyelori
Summary: The Broken Circle quest during the Fifth Blight.Dhavaria Surana returns to the only place she knew to be home, only to find it in tatters. The few people she could find comfort in are missing and she and her party must fight their way through Kinloch to find the First Enchanter and the Templar she loves.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Surana, Cullen Rutherford/Female Warden, Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Cullen Rutherford/Warden
Series: Dhavaria Surana [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646398
Kudos: 7





	1. There is No Maker Here

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short look into Dhavaria Surana's life and will be made up of just a couple of chapters! Enjoy!

[ I ]

The further they fought their way through the Circle, the more dread began to weigh her down.

Her home was in shambles around her.

Dhavaria had known nothing but the Circle for she had been given to them when she was just a babe. From what she knew, her parents had been apostates who could care for her no longer. So they left her at the Redcliff chantry with only a note that said she had magic in her blood and the name surname _Surana_. They had not even named her.

Throughout her life, she had been asked what she thought of her parents or if she hated them for abandoning her in such a manner.

The truth was she didn’t.

How could she feel any ill-will to people who she’s never even met?

To her, Grand Enchanter Irving had always been a father figure for he had taken her under his wing and gave Dhavaria her name. She never knew why he favored her so, even as she grew older, he treated her like a daughter. So the thought that he could have fallen to Uldred and his blood rituals made Dhavaria want to vomit. She would murder _anyone_ who harmed him without a second thought.

Another face came to mind as she continued to worry.

Cullen.

She had searched desperately for him in the entryway with Greagoir. The room had been taken up by faces she recognized, but not the one she looked for. Panic had turned her blood to ice and she felt as if she could not move her legs.

_Maker, please let him be okay._

Some relief had been rewarded when they found Wynne and a handful of other mages who were all too happy to see her again. She couldn’t find the courage to speak up right then to tell Wynne how grateful she was that she tagged along. Even the slightest sense of familiarity brought her comfort—even with Petra’s warnings that something was off with the Senior Enchanter.

As she surveyed the damage on the third floor, she held back tears, gripping the amulet Cullen had given her. Wynne rested a gentle hand on her shoulder, bringing her back to the task at hand and away from dead Templars and mages that littered the ground. Alistair had stared in worry. Leliana grabbed her hand, squeezing it to let her know she was there for her.

They ventured further into the tower finding more demons and abominations around every corner.

Each time they cut down another abomination, she wondered who it had been. Which of the people she had considered family had been swallowed up by the ugliness of a weak mind?

That nearly broke her.

Alistair rested a tender hand on the small of her back.

They had found the demon responsible for such cause but consequently were launched into the Fade to be left for dead. While the specific memories for each of them had been hazy, that image of Duncan lingered in her mind. Watching him draw a sword on her had struck her with fear as she had never known before.

Nevertheless, they continued, the thought of Irving and Cullen still being in the tower was her driving force.

She led them up through, putting on a mask of indifference that seemed to unnerve Leliana and Alistair. There was no time to question it, which she was thankful for, or else she might have cracked.

A Templar under the control of a desire demon, both now dead. Every Templar body she saw, she immediately looked at their faces, searching for that curly blond hair and gentle eyes. Her companions watched her curiously, she had never told them about Cullen. She had never told anyone.

The amulet hanging around her neck felt heavier with every step she took. Could that gift be the last thing she would have of him? Was she too late?

Almost instantly, her questions were answered.

They hurried into the last room of the floor. It was dark, save for a ring of bright purple light, obscuring the image of a man. But not just any man—Cullen.

He was kneeling on one knee, his forehead pressed against his clasped hands as he whispered a prayer to a god that was anywhere but here.

“Cullen!” Dhavaria cried out in a strangled tone, immediately rushing over.

Alistair called her name, trying to keep her from blindly rushing in. She evaded his grasp, falling to her knees in front of the barrier.

“This trick again?” His words were coming out in gasps as he looked at her with wide, fearful eyes. “I know what you are. It won’t work! I will be strong,”

Once more, his head dipped and his lips were wrapped around a prayer.

“Cullen, it’s me!” She rested her hand against the barrier, tears clouding her vision. He looked pale and shaky like he hadn’t eaten in days. Oh, sweet Andraste, how long has he been trapped? “It’s Dhavaria, darling, look at me! Don’t you recognize me?”

He refused to answer her pleas, muttering to himself, “Only too well…how far they must have delved into my thoughts,” Cullen spoke as if he were in pain.

“The boy is exhausted. And this cage, I’ve never seen anything like it,” Wynne paused, most likely observing the glimmering light and how it simply rippled around Dhavaria’s hand. “Rest easy, help is here.”

“Enough visions! If anything of you is human, kill me now and stop this game!” Cullen groaned, becoming more agitated by the moment. “You broke the others, but I will stay strong. For my sake, for theirs,” he was sobbing now. “Sifting through my thoughts, taunting me with the woman I loved. Showing me her—just her—using my shame against me! I am so tired of these cruel jokes, these games, these—”

“Cullen!” Her own cheeks were wet with tears as his words struck her harder than any hand could. “Look at me, please, I’m here!”

“Silence!” The Templar began to push himself into a standing position. “Still here? But that always worked before. I close my eyes, but you are still here when I open them.”

“That’s because I’m really here,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

Something in his eyes changed. As if he realized that she really was there, kneeling before him and begging him to look at her. “Why have you returned to the tower? How did you survive?”

“I’ve come home, I’ve come to help.”

“Look at what they’ve done with it. They deserve to die, Uldred most of all,” he said, stared at her. “They caged us like animals, looked for ways to break us. I’m the only one left—” his voice was wavering as he cut himself off, his eyes looked distant and pained. “They turned some into monsters. And, there was nothing I could do.”

Dhavaria wanted to do nothing more than to shatter whatever magic was separating the two of them, to wrap him in her arms, and protect him from the rest of the world.

“Uldred will pay for what he’s done.” She almost didn’t recognize her own voice. The vengefulness dripping from it startled her, but she didn’t regret it.

“Irving and the other mages who fought Uldred. Where are they?” Wynne cut in.

“They are in the Harrowing Chamber. The sounds coming out from there—oh, Maker,” he sounded as if he might break once more and her heart broke all over again.

“We must hurry. They are in grave danger, I am sure of it,” Wynne said, resting a hand on Dhavaria’s shoulder.

“You can’t save them. You don’t know what they’ve become!” Cullen argued.

Dhavaria took a shaky breath, standing up slowly. “I have to try, Cullen.”

“But you haven’t been up there. You haven’t been under their influence. They’ve been surround by…by blood mages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts!”

“His hatred of mages is so intense, the memory of his friends’ deaths is still fresh in his mind,” Alistair murmured beside her.

She felt Leliana grip her forearm.

Cullen continued to argue. “You have to end it now before it’s too late!”

“I told you, I need to try. _Please,_ trust me.”

Her party muttered against themselves, clearly getting antsy.

Dhavaria stepped towards him, as close to the barrier as she should manage. “I will come back for you, I will save you. No matter what you say to me,”

“Don’t waste time on me, deal with Uldred, if that is what you plan to do. Once he is dead, I will be freed.”

Leliana tugged on her arm, beginning to lead her to the door of the Harrowing Chamber.

As she turned away from him, she heard Cullen say, “No one ever listens. Maker turn his gaze on you. I hope your compassion hasn’t doomed us all.”


	2. Her Forgiveness

[ II ]

Night had taken over by the time they made it back to the entry. They could only tell from the few windows they passed for the tower confined them to impenetrable darkness with the lack of natural light.

The top of Dhavaria and Wynne’s staves gave her party some light to pick their way around the bodies littered across the floor. Now whenever she looked at their faces, she only felt a numbness settle deep in her gut. She had found her Templar, what was left of him.

As much as his words stung, she knew it wasn’t him talking—it was fear. She could see it in his eyes. The look on his face broke her heart as his entire body shook under his Templar garb. A soldier of the faithful to a nonexistent god.

Never in her life had she questioned the existence of the Maker. She had grown up with the stories and fell in love with them. Dhavaria basked in the comfort of there being something bigger than herself. Someone to watch over her and those she loved, wrapped in His light. But looking around now, she so no sign of the Maker. Kinloch Hold was carved straight from the Black City with demons and death flooding its walls, dragging the inhabitants into a pit of their own special despair. It made her anger fester beneath her skin, threatening to explode.

Their trek back had been quiet, not even Irving said much, though she felt his eyes on her from where Alistair aided him down the many sets of stairs. She didn’t have the courage to face him at that moment. Dhavaria feared the tears would begin again and she needed to be an image of strength to the others. Her blood-streaked face and robes showed the hardships from the many battles, there were even a few pieces of hair singed from Uldred’s magic. So she matched her rough appearance, adopting a mask of marble to hide behind.

Greagoir seemed overjoyed at their return, greeting Irving warmly.

Once more, her fury threatened to consume her. These Templars had stood and cowered behind those doors, allowing their brothers and sisters to die and suffer—they put their charges at great risk. The faces of the children huddled together flashed before her eyes, feeding her rage.

Dhavaria would never forgive Knight-Commander Greagoir for being a coward.

Since night had fallen and they were all exhausted, Irving insisted she and her party stay until morning where they would ride to Redcliff together to save Connor. There wasn’t much resistance from them, even she had given in from how exhausted she was.

Wynne went to go assess the state of the room that had been hers. Leliana and Alistair were reluctant to leave her, fearing her to not be in the right state of mind, but eventually were shown into the apprentices’ quarters since they were still intact for the most part.

“Why don’t you spend the night in your old quarters, my child,” Irving suggested to her quietly, observing she was lingering in the hall. “I can get you some help to clean things up if you require it.” He rested a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, First Enchanter. If I find myself needed help, I will let you know.” She forced a smile at his kindness until he too left to scope out some of the damage.

Most of the Templars had filtered out of the room with orders to begin gathering bodies and clearing what debris they could manage. Only Greagoir, who was talking quietly to an injured man, and Cullen who hovered uncomfortably near the doorway, trying not to look at her.

She stared at him for a long moment before heading in his direction, seizing his wrist to pull him out with her.

The sudden contact made him jump and regret washed over her, but it was too late.

Dhavaria dragged him into the first isolated room she could find, closing the door behind them for some privacy.

Her back was pressed against the door as they simply looked at one another in silence, both daring each other to break it. Cullen was visibly nervous as he shifted his weight and bit his lips.

She unhooked her waterskin from her belt, handing it to him slowly, trying not to spook him more than she had already done. “Drink.”

At first, she believed he was going to resist. But his thirst outweighed his stubbornness for he took it from her, murmuring a quiet thank you after he shed his gloves from his hands, and followed her demand. She was certain he had not had any food nor water since being caged, which made her begin to rifle through her small pack and produce a bit of dried meat and some bread.

Once more, she handed it to him and he took it silently.

“How long were you in there, Cullen?” She finally asked him, dropping her pack to the floor, watching him pick at the food.

Cullen avoided her eyes. Instead, he stared at his boots or the floor. “I don’t know.”

“Did you mean what you said?”

Now he looked at her, startled by her bluntness. “What?”

“What you said to me, about me,” she heard her voice begin to waver. “How you’re ashamed for loving me if you even still do.”

Silence overtook them once more.

“All I could think about was _you_ , Cullen,” Dhavaria whispered, tears gathering in her eyes. Her hand went for the amulet around her neck, gripping the pendant. His eyes widened when he saw it. “Where you were and if you were okay. Every time I passed a body on the ground I prayed that it wouldn’t be you.”

He still made no answer.

She approached him slowly. “I know it wasn’t you who said those things. I know you didn’t mean it.” Dhavaria was right in front of him now, carefully lifting her hand to touch his cheek. “Fear and pain prompted you to say those things, but you’re safe now.”

She was surprised he was even letting her touch him.

“They broke me, Ria,” he choked out, “there was nothing I could do. Over and over again, they showed me your face. They dangled you in front of me and did unspeakable things to you. They clawed into my mind and twisted memories I thought were happy ones. Now I can’t think of them without wanting to be sick.” His cheeks were wet with tears. He was crumbling right before her eyes.

She began to weep. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, darling. I should have been there, I could have helped.” Her hand dropped from his face and she leaned forward, resting her forehead against the cool metal of his breastplate. The flaming sword of the Templars kissed her skin, reminding her of the betrayal Greagoir had committed. If only he had not been a coward, Cullen and so many others could have been spared such hardships.

At that moment she wanted nothing more than to feel her lover’s arms around her, holding her to him. Even as her arms wrapped around his torso, his own fell limply at his side as he held his head in defeat.

Dhavaria stepped away from him quickly, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable than he already was.

“I should go,” she whispered, picking up her pack.

He said nothing as he stared at the floor, his hands trembling.

On her way out of the room, she paused to look at him. “I love you and always will.” This drew his attention to her. “I will always come back to you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on having one more super short part! 
> 
> Read their full story [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901797) !


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